the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
