ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
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I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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