why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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