come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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