did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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