i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
