the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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