If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
