If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
