When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
