Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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