I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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