just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
