I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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