tonight lets celebrate not being married
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Randomize
