Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
