i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
