If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
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