SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
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I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
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hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
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