i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
