If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
