i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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