I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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