Cold hands, warm shart.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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