I think im going to throw up on grandma
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
