my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
