i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
