i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
