Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
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