Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Randomize
