just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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