Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
