i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
3pm strippers are depressing
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
