i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
We don't watch enough power rangers
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize