3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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