what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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