All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
