i permit you to call me
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Alive.
So much puke
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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