I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
