Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
