Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
