Sponge bath it is.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
organizing the empties. That sober.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
