You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
