very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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