the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
