I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Randomize
