she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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