i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Let's get the cat blown out
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
