Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
