it wasn't lemon gatorade
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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