end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
