Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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