I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
