OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Randomize
