You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
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Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
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I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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