I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize