I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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