it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
