She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
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