Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
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I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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