tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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