No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
