Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
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