i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
