whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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