it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
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