Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
