dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Randomize
