Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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