I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
