john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I supernannyed him into submission
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
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