**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Randomize
