Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
