i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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