I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
